Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Hump Day Holla

I had originally planned for this to be a "Throwback Thursday" post, until I realized that...It's only WEDNESDAY!  Holy hell this week is dragging.  I have nothing spectacular to post about today, the past several days have been nothing but routine and boring.  Weekend was about the same, except that I had a kickass workout on Saturday that made me feel amazing.  I guess I could talk about that...

I hate running.  Let me say that again.  I. Hate. Running. Like with a passion.  I was never super athletic in school, always had coaches who didn't care so much about the non-athletic girls, and because I only played Volleyball (until two shoulder surgeries ended that) and then Golf, I was in the "off season" group a lot.  Do you know what they make you do in "off season"?  They make you RUN.  A LOT.  Apparently it's like a punishment for not being interested in or good enough to play the other sports.  Because of all of that running, and because I was always what I considered out of shape, I associated running with a terrible stigma.  Even now, when I think about running, I get anxiety.  Sometimes to the point of a panic attack.  That may sound silly or humorous to some, but it's very real to me. 

All of those feelings from Jr. High and High School when I wasn't a "good enough" runner come flooding back to me.  I feel inadequate.  I feel judged.  I feel defeated before I ever even start.  The "last time" (which is what I refer to as a year and a half ago when I was in shape) I was working out really hard, I had signed up for a 5K called the "Armadillo Dash".  I worked really hard at something I hated (running) and slowly but surely got better.  I set a goal for myself to run the 5K in 30 minutes.  I had worked my ass off to be able to run for 30 minutes straight, and I knew I could do it.  Of course when race day arrived bright and early that March 6th 46 degree morning, the anxiety set in.  I wanted to stay in bed.  I wanted to pretend like I hadn't been training.  I was scared of failing.  But, my guy wasn't about to let that happen.  He made me get up, get my ass ready, and head to the race.  I was nervous, but once we got there and were in the crowd about to start, my nerves eased up a bit. 

It wasn't as bad as I thought.  No one was judging me.  They were in fact, doing the opposite.  People were cheering me on (ok, they weren't cheering solely for ME, but I pretended like they were).  I didn't run the entire time, I got tired and at one point I thought my lungs were going to explode.  But I kept going.  I finished the race in 33 minutes.  Had I reached my goal?  Not quite.  But it was pretty damn close!  I was disappointed at first, but then I started thinking back to two months prior when I couldn't even WALK that far or for that long without being winded.  I also couldn't run for more than a minute at a time without wanting to die.  So even though I hadn't reached my "exact" goal, I couldn't be upset about the progress I had made.  End of great story.

Here I am today (well last Friday really), back to that girl who panics when it comes time for cardio at the gym.  The girl who often times gives up before I ever begin.  And then Saturday morning came along.  I'm not sure what got into me, but when I got to the gym that morning, something just clicked.  I did the "ArcTrainer" for 30 minutes, and then hopped onto the treadmill.  I set the time for 30 minutes and told myself I was going to walk 5, run 5, walk 5, run 5, etc.  I didn't know if I could, but I told myself I would.  And guess what?  I DID!  I even ran longer than 5 minutes a couple of times.  And it felt so good.  Am I ready for another 5K?  Absolutely not.  Am I going to do another 5K in the near future?  ABSOLUTELY!  It's the best way to motivate myself, I know from experience.  The thought terrifies me, but not so much because I'm afraid to fail.  It terrifies me because I know big changes are coming, and as you know, changes scare me!  But, I have to keep reminding myself that these changes are going to be GOOD! 

So I started this post not knowing what it was going to be about, but I guess deep down this story was ready to come out!  I hope that you find inspiration and motivation in my stories.  I have a long way to go, and I know I personally need all the inspiration and motivation I can get, so I hope to help some of you along the way!  As soon as I decide on a 5K that I am going to do, I will let yall know!  Once I say it on here, I can't go back!

Happy Hump Day Hookers!

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