I had originally planned for this to be a "Throwback Thursday" post, until I realized that...It's only WEDNESDAY! Holy hell this week is dragging. I have nothing spectacular to post about today, the past several days have been nothing but routine and boring. Weekend was about the same, except that I had a kickass workout on Saturday that made me feel amazing. I guess I could talk about that...
I hate running. Let me say that again. I. Hate. Running. Like with a passion. I was never super athletic in school, always had coaches who didn't care so much about the non-athletic girls, and because I only played Volleyball (until two shoulder surgeries ended that) and then Golf, I was in the "off season" group a lot. Do you know what they make you do in "off season"? They make you RUN. A LOT. Apparently it's like a punishment for not being interested in or good enough to play the other sports. Because of all of that running, and because I was always what I considered out of shape, I associated running with a terrible stigma. Even now, when I think about running, I get anxiety. Sometimes to the point of a panic attack. That may sound silly or humorous to some, but it's very real to me.
All of those feelings from Jr. High and High School when I wasn't a "good enough" runner come flooding back to me. I feel inadequate. I feel judged. I feel defeated before I ever even start. The "last time" (which is what I refer to as a year and a half ago when I was in shape) I was working out really hard, I had signed up for a 5K called the "Armadillo Dash". I worked really hard at something I hated (running) and slowly but surely got better. I set a goal for myself to run the 5K in 30 minutes. I had worked my ass off to be able to run for 30 minutes straight, and I knew I could do it. Of course when race day arrived bright and early that March 6th 46 degree morning, the anxiety set in. I wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to pretend like I hadn't been training. I was scared of failing. But, my guy wasn't about to let that happen. He made me get up, get my ass ready, and head to the race. I was nervous, but once we got there and were in the crowd about to start, my nerves eased up a bit.
It wasn't as bad as I thought. No one was judging me. They were in fact, doing the opposite. People were cheering me on (ok, they weren't cheering solely for ME, but I pretended like they were). I didn't run the entire time, I got tired and at one point I thought my lungs were going to explode. But I kept going. I finished the race in 33 minutes. Had I reached my goal? Not quite. But it was pretty damn close! I was disappointed at first, but then I started thinking back to two months prior when I couldn't even WALK that far or for that long without being winded. I also couldn't run for more than a minute at a time without wanting to die. So even though I hadn't reached my "exact" goal, I couldn't be upset about the progress I had made. End of great story.
Here I am today (well last Friday really), back to that girl who panics when it comes time for cardio at the gym. The girl who often times gives up before I ever begin. And then Saturday morning came along. I'm not sure what got into me, but when I got to the gym that morning, something just clicked. I did the "ArcTrainer" for 30 minutes, and then hopped onto the treadmill. I set the time for 30 minutes and told myself I was going to walk 5, run 5, walk 5, run 5, etc. I didn't know if I could, but I told myself I would. And guess what? I DID! I even ran longer than 5 minutes a couple of times. And it felt so good. Am I ready for another 5K? Absolutely not. Am I going to do another 5K in the near future? ABSOLUTELY! It's the best way to motivate myself, I know from experience. The thought terrifies me, but not so much because I'm afraid to fail. It terrifies me because I know big changes are coming, and as you know, changes scare me! But, I have to keep reminding myself that these changes are going to be GOOD!
So I started this post not knowing what it was going to be about, but I guess deep down this story was ready to come out! I hope that you find inspiration and motivation in my stories. I have a long way to go, and I know I personally need all the inspiration and motivation I can get, so I hope to help some of you along the way! As soon as I decide on a 5K that I am going to do, I will let yall know! Once I say it on here, I can't go back!
Happy Hump Day Hookers!