Tell me about it Tuesday...

I haven't done one of these in forever, so this is long overdue.  Welcome back, Tell me about it Tuesday!

Let me tell you about...

• How PREGNANT I am feeling these days.  Yes, I realize I am almost 6 1/2 months along, so this shouldn't be a shocker.  But up until about two weeks ago, I didn't "feel" pregnant.  My belly was barely protruding.  My who-ha didn't hurt.  I could get in and out of my bed/car/chair easily.  I felt normal as normal as one can feel when there's a human growing inside of you.  That all went to shit very quickly a couple of weeks ago.  The pregnant "waddle" is in full effect.  I can't breathe.  My belly just feels heavy.  Getting in/out up/down takes an act of Congress.  And now that ol' girl is just poking on out there, everyone and they mama want to touch me (that's a whole other post).  I'm really not down with that.  I barely let Christopher and the boys touch my belly.  My Pre-K students are drawn to it like a magnet and I swear I go home with tiny handprints on my bump every single day.  I also get asked questions like, "Do you still have your baby? When is it getting out? How is it getting out? Can she come to school with us? Let's name her Cinderalla, and call her Cinderelli like the mice. Let's name her Princess. Does she hurt?" And so on...it's pretty cute most days, but I'm running out of (patient) answers.

• How we started painting baby girl's room this past weekend and I was so nervous!  The two colors I picked out I absolutely love, but sometimes what you "think" the colors will look like on the wall and what they actually look like, are two totally different things.  Luckily for me, once we got started I fell in love.  I wasn't a whole lot of help to Christopher, but I did what I could.  He has had many sleepless nights working on her nursery and it just makes me fall in love with him more and more every day.  I woke up to an empty bed Monday morning and when I went looking for him, found that he had fallen asleep in her room and slept on the floor all night!  Such a good man.  Everything is painted now, we are just waiting for her crib to get here sometime this week and my mom is about to start working on bedding and curtains.  I can't wait until it is finally finished!  C sent me a text earlier about how nice and calming her room is and that he goes in there and just feels better.  That made my day!  The boys have expressed similar thoughts.  They go in there and just stand there or sit a minute and say, "It just feels...nice."  I hope that is a good sign for what is to come and that baby girl feels the same way!



• While I painted and climbed a ladder a few times I managed to stay 100% safe and have no accidents or aches/pains.  However, Saturday evening, with the simple act of getting up off of the couch, I managed to injure my ankle.  Seriously?  The ladder was kind to me but walking is not?  My left foot was completely numb (not in the way it usually is when it's asleep and tingles) and when I went to take a step, it literally folded under me and basically bent in half.  Fun times.  It hurt like a mother!  Fortunately (or unfortunately I'm not sure) I have a pretty high pain tolerance.  I've been following the usual "RICE" remedy and Sunday it was feeling better.  I pretty much stayed on the couch watching Teen Mom 2 episodes and feeling better about my life and icing it off and on.  Yesterday C wrapped my foot up like a burrito in an ace bandage and it didn't bother me all day....until I got home and unwrapped it so it could breathe.  I cleaned in the kitchen and cooked dinner and by the time I sat down it was swollen like an extra large golf ball again.  Luckily I'm stubborn I have a doctor's appointment Thursday to do my "sugar test" so I plan to have her check it out then. 

So that's what I wanted to tell you about!  There's probably a ton more I could add, but those are the highlights from the past few days.  We do have a name picked out, but I don't want to share it until I get her room done and can show that off, along with her name!  If I can wait that long anyway...
I appreciate any and all good vibes you want to send my way regarding my gimp ankle and the testing on Thursday!

Happy Day Y'all!

Because I said I would...

I told y'all about the thing I saw where instead of making New Year's "resolutions", people were asked to write a statement that started with "This year I will..." and ended with "...because I said I would".  I really love this because it seems more real and like something (I at least) feel I would hold myself accountable to.  Here are my "...because I said I would"s for 2014.

This year I will...

• Pay more attention to my children and love of my life, and less attention to my phone.
• Never be too busy to look at what my children are asking me to look at (no matter how many times I've seen it or how unimportant it may seem).  If it's important to them and they want to share it with me, it's important to me.
• Never turn them away when they want to crawl in my lap, sit by me, or anything else that includes them WANTING to be with me.  I know those times will come less and less the older they get, so I need to cherish them more now.
• Care less about what people think of me.  I make no apologies for who I once was, who I am now, and who I will be in the future.  And I mean this in every aspect of my life and in every role I play.
• Worry less and enjoy more.
• Do my best to remember as much about this pregnancy as possible.  This will be the last time I ever have a baby growing inside of me and I want to embrace it as much as I can.  Every flutter, every kick, every hiccup, every part that I can.
• Savor every moment I have with this baby once he/she is born.  I have always felt like I was so stressed when the twins were born, going to school and working and having very little help from their dad, that I was just going through the motions.  I remember so little about those first few months that I was home with them and I regret that very much.
• Learn how to be a mom to THREE and not stress about it.  I'm never going to be perfect at this parenting thing, but I can do the best I can for my babies.
• Make healthy choices during this pregnancy and even more after baby is born.  I want to feel good inside and out.  And lezbehonest I want to look damn good in all of the unwanted pictures that will be taken of me with the baby.
• Learn how to say no.  To others and to myself.  I mean, I am pretty convincing and sometimes that gets me in trouble.
• Go to new places and try new things.  Restaurants, foods, vacation spots, stores, hobbies, anything and everything.  I love my little comfort zone, but it's time to step out of it.  At least every once in a while.
• Watch more F.R.I.E.N.D.S.  (jk I'm not sure that's even possible, thanks to TBS and Nick@Nite)...

BECAUSE I FREAKIN' SAID I WOULD!

Ok I know that is a long list.  Honestly several of those things go hand-in-hand with each other so once I get the ball rolling with one, everything else should fall into place.  I said SHOULD.  I could probably double this list, but I ain't got time for all that.  No one likes an over-achiever anyway. 

I hope that if you're reading this, you too have some "because I said I would"s that will make this year absolutely amazing.  If you don't, get that shit started now!  The deadline for changing your life isn't January 1st, in case the rest of the world  didn't tell you.

Mama's Out.

Guess who's back...

It's me!  It's me!  Ok not really, this is probably just a fluke...but it's a start.  I finally had some free time where I could be alone with my thoughts and decided I better document them!  Life has been crazy busy lately.  In case you missed it, here is what happened the last half of my 2013...

• Our annual "End of Summer Vacation" was cut short because of my pesky gallbladder.  Spent the first night in Galveston at the ER and headed home the next morning.  I was then rushed into emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed.  Fun times.  Recovery was a biotch but I survived and was glad to know that the cause of all of my random stomach pains was finally taken care of.
• Kason and Kutter started first grade and started losing their teeth!  Exciting times all around, except for the Tooth Fairy, because that bitch is now broke.
• Found out we are expecting a baby that will be joining us around the first week in June, or earlier.  We are all dying to know if it's a girl or a boy, but we have to wait one more week!
• My best friend asked me to marry him, and suurrrpprrriiiiiissse, I said YES!
• We bought a house back in the Spring and have slowly been remodeling here and there, so that's an ongoing 2013/2014 project. 

So yeah, that is just a tiny glimpse into what has been going on in my world since I went on a blogging hiatus way back when.  I've missed it a little, but have enjoyed keeping up with you guys and staying in touch via Facebook and Instagram.

As is mandatory for New Year's everyone has been making and posting New Year's Resolutions and it has been quite fun to read what all of the plans are for 2014.  Everyone's all like, "I'm going to run four 1/2 marathons and a full marathon" and I'm over here like, "I'm gonna try not to get out of breath walking from my car to my classroom everyday".  I kid, but while crazy workout goals are not in my near future, I do enjoy seeing others work so hard to achieve theirs!

I saw a clip on our local news on January 1st about a sign that was posted for people to write on and instead of "resolutions", people wrote statements that started with "This year I will..." and ended with "...because I said I would."  I love that.  It's so easy to make resolutions and promise to stick to them, and then fall off the wagon a week later.  Sometimes we set unrealistic goals for ourselves and expect immediate changes, setting ourselves up for failure.  Which is part of why I love the whole, "because I said I would" thing.  No one wants to break their word to themselves.  No one wants to lose accountability with themselves.  So, that's what I am working on.  My, "because I said I would" list.  I have a bad case of pregnancy brain these days, so I'm not going to publicize my list until I get my shit together.  Plus it gives me another reason to get on this ol' blogger site and write again!

I hope everyone enjoyed Christmas with their loved ones and welcomed 2014 in with nothing less than a stellar buzz/hangover.  Mine was fabulous and the only buzz I had was from my Aggies winning the Chik-Fil-A Bowl against Duke, and some sparkling grape juice.

Until next time...

Loves!

Oh Snap!

Damn it's been a while, I'm not really sure if I remember how to do this!  Just kidding, kinda.  You may or may not have noticed, but I've been a little MIA lately.  I could blame it on family drama, I could blame it on work stress, home stress, and a million other things, and they would all be accurate, but the honest truth is...I just haven't felt like blogging.

When I started this blog, it was simply supposed to be a place for me to keep track of the crafts I was doing and recipes I was trying (because at the time I was addicted to Pinterest), and occassionally for me to document funny K&K stories.  I didn't have many followers, if any at all.  I wasn't writing for anyone else, I was writing for me.  Eventually when my weight loss journey began, my blog became the place where I could talk about my struggles and successes with that.  It was a great outlet, and somewhere along the way I started gaining more followers, and making new friends.  With following so many new people, and having new people following me, came blogging trends, link-ups, and things I felt I "had" to be a part of.

I was trying to come up with blogging material that wasn't natural for me.  I wasn't talking about what I wanted to talk about, I was blogging about what everyone else was blogging about.  It was the blogging version of 'keeing up with the Jones'.  And let me say, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with the link ups, I just couldn't keep up and it wasn't working for me trying to take part in what everyone else was doing.  I was caring too much about how many people were following me, how many comments I got on each post, and petty things like that.  Things I never cared about when I first started blogging.  So I decided to take a step back.  And it was a great decision.

I've still been stalking my favorite blogs, but I've been doing it silently.  I don't know when I will feel like blogging more often again.  Maybe this summer when I'm off and have more time...maybe not.  For now, I'm happy staying back in the shadows.  I adore yall and the support and friendship you have extended to me, and hopefully I'll be back soon!  Until then...

Debbie Downer

I have good news to start this post off with, but the rest is going to be all Debbie Downer.  Sorry.

Good news first...I have lost a total of 22 pounds!  I had been hovering at the same number, that for some reason I didn't mind posting on IG but can't bring myself to post here, for what seems like months now.  I felt like I was stuck in a revolving door.  Playing the ol' "one step forward, two steps back", but instead it was "one pound lost, two pounds gained".  It was frustrating and depressing and I finally just said to hell with the scale.  Well for about a week.  And then I couldn't take it anymore.  And honestly, I expected to see a gain.  I've been working out, but not as hardcore as I had been, and my eating while it hasn't been awful, hasn't been great either.  So needless to say I was shocked and excited when I was down 4 pounds and finally in a new set of numbers.  Definitely a much needed boost.

Now, onto the blah stuff.  If you follow me on FB or IG, you already know that one of my cousins committed suicide yesterday.  He was younger than me, and not someone that I saw often, but it doesn't make the blow any less painful.  He was still a part of my life.  A part of my family.  And something was so terribly wrong that he felt his only option was to end his life.

I have never been able to understand the hows and whys of suicide.  I just don't get it.  I can't imagine getting to a point where I felt so helpless, so desperate, so alone, that I could actually kill myself.  I know he did not have the best childhood.  His father went to prison when he was a little boy.  His mom, my aunt, did not take care of herself and basically ate herself into who knows how many illnesses, eventually sucumbing to them all.  Leaving poor Jeffery an orphan.  People in my family stepped up and took him in, and he eventually settled in with an older cousin of ours who raised him and got him graduated from HS.  I don't know a lot of details about his life after graduation.  I know he was in and out of college, in and out of jobs, in and out of jail, but that's about it.  He was a sweet kid and I always hated hearing about his struggles.



However, I never imagined that his struggles would lead him to eventually walk outside of his home, and hang himself from a tree.  Who does that?  How can you do that?  I get sick to my stomach thinking about what could have possibly been going through his mind as he took the steps he did to end his life.  I don't know how long he was there.  I don't know who found him.  I don't know if he was on drugs or if he left a note.  I don't know why he did it.



I do know that I am sad, and I am angry.  I'm sad because he was my family, our family has been facing many trials and tribulations lately, and this just completely rocked us again.  I'm sad that my 87 year old Meemaw has to attend a service for yet another member of her family that she has now outlived.  I'm angry because it was selfish.  I'm angry because last week innocent people, people who wanted to live, lost their lives in a bombing and in an explosion.  Angry because there are people dying with cancer and other terrible diseases, that want to live, that are fighting to live.  People who would love to have the air in his lungs and his beating heart.  And he just ended it like it was nothing.  It's not my place to judge him.  It's not my job to figure all of this out.  But I damn sure wish I could.



I love my family dearly, but sometimes they exhaust me.  Before this even happened with him, the shit had hit the fan and I honestly was thinking that some of my aunts/uncles have just gone batshit crazy.  And now this has happened and I have a feeling things are only going to get worse.  I'm hoping and praying they don't, but that doesn't seem likely.  Anyway, I just needed to vent today.  I always have to be the strong one.  I am always everyone else's rock.  And right now I just don't want to be.  So today, I'm going to be sad.  And weak.  And mopey.  And tomorrow I'll try to pull it together and get my armor back on so I can do what needs to be done for my family.



Well, it's not really.  But it will be.

Transformation Tuesday

Yesterday, we had a random "teacher inservice day". I dread these days. I would rather have a classroom full of monkeys than sit in meetings all day. However, I have no choice in the matter, so I did what I had to do. The plus side to inservice days is that we get to leave for a long lunch and usually get to leave an hour early in the afternoon, holla! Since I live four streets over from the school where I work, and Christopher works at the bank that is located on the street we live on, we met up for lunch. I hadn't had breakfast and I was starving. Ok starving is a bit dramatic, but my stomach was doing some serious grumbling.

We went to a place called, "Mama's Kitchen" which serves up exactly what you would think. Home cooked meals your mama would make. At least the kind of meals we make here in Texas. I made bad choices yall. Chicken fried steak, potatoes, green beans. It was so good, but also so bad. After I ate myself miserable and got back to work, I got sleepy. I was in a food coma and started thinking about how badly I didn't want to go home and work out. I tried to think of excuses, none came to mind that were legit. And then I decided to give myself a reality check. I went to our school's website to look at the faculty pictures that we took back in August right before school started. I remembered that I hated my picture, but didn't remember how bad it was. Until I saw it again. And I cried. You know it's bad when you see a picture of youself and you cry. I didn't even recognize the girl in the picture. The one with the bloated face, no neck, double chin, and fake smile.

Who was that girl? How did she get to that point? Excuses and bad, unhealthy decisions, that's how. And then I looked at a picture I had taken earlier in the morning (becase you know, IG needed to see my mug early on a Monday morning). And again, I was crying. But instead of sad, shameful tears, they were happy tears. Tears that represented the hard work I have put in to make the changes that I was seeing in front of me. The scale has not been kind to me lately. I feel like I have been gaining and losing the same 3 pounds for months. I have felt defeated so many times because of a stupid number. In reality though, I should be focusing on the changes that I feel, and now that I see. I hear people talking about "breaking up" with their scale, and I guess that's what I'm going to have to do. It's not helping me in any way, and instead of feeling triumphant because of the progress I have made, I feel overwhelmed at how much farther I have to go because of the number goal I had set for myself.

I will get there, eventually. There is no quick fix to the damage I did to myself. My lifestyle and habits are changing, and will continue to change as I truck through this journey. I'm so very thankful to all of my friends and family who encourage me and support me day in, and day out. Yesterday when I did the side by side picture comparison, I sent it to Christopher. I imagined that he saw the same fat girl I saw during that time. His reply was, "I like them both." It never dawned on me that he's going to love me no matter how fat or skinny I get. Does he like the changes he sees in me? Yes, I think so. He tells me often when he notices things that are changing on my body. Would he still love me if I was that fat girl in the picture? Yes, he would. And I know this, because he did. The past year and a half as I packed on the pounds and was lazy and miserable, he never stopped loving me. When I cried all summer and complained about being fat and unhappy and dreading putting on a swimsuit, he never stopped loving me. That makes me love him even more that he accepts me for me, no matter my size. But that doesn't mean I'm ok with being fat and complacent. He deserves someone who is happy and healthy. And I am doing my best to be both of those things these days.

P.S. I would pay a large sum to the person in charge of our school's website to take that mothereffing picture off of there. I should send her an e-mail right now...

Happy Tuesday!

Here chicky chicky...

Welp, it's that time of day again. The time when I get to put the litte monsters babes down for nap and have some "quiet time". Well, it should be quiet time. But it's not really. I've got kids snoring. Talking in their sleep. Oh and baby chicks chirping (or as one of my kids said, "barking like a chicken" hmm...) so loudly my ears are ringing. Seriously, this shit was cute the first two days, now I'm over it. Whose idea was it to do this anyway? Oh wait, it was mine. I digress.

Our behbehs.

"No pictures please."

This morning I said (without meaning to), "Those chicks need to pipe down!" Now, that may sound bad, but at least I didn't say "Pipe the fuck down" like I was thinking. I know for sure at least one of the kids heard me say it because during centers, when the chicks were challenging the kids to see who could be the loudest, he went over to them and said, "Pipe it down birdie!" Hopefully they won't go home and repeat that to their parents. But hey, like the saying goes, "Don't believe everything your child tells you happens at school, and I won't believe everything he says happens at home." Win win situation if you ask me.

This made my day! I know at least one of them is listening.

Moving along...today I mailed out three sets of goodies to some unsuspecting ladies. If you haven't jumped on the mail wagon with me, you absolutely should. I love getting REAL mail, not bills, or flyers to attend a church revival, or an appointment reminder from the dentist. I enjoy doing "Random Acts Of Kindness". It's good for the soul :) So, e-mail me at thataggiegirl09(at)yahoo(dot)com with your name, mailing address, and birthday if you want to join in on the fun. You never know when someone might just make your day!

Have a fabulous Friday friends!